It's Friday! – Time to Look Back ...
Over the weekend I’m going to look at what I have written since we started and see if I can make my poems better. You could do the same with your poems.
Here are the notes I made for two of mine…
Here is my butterfly haiku. If it was your poem what changes would you make?
Peacock Haiku
Purple butterfly
lands soft on gritty concrete
fleeting grey shadow.
And here is the free verse cat poem. I could make it longer or shorter or try and turn it into a rhyming poem. I haven’t given it a title yet…
I'm looking up at
a stripey cat sitting
on our fence
she's staring at something
her tail is twitching –
can she see what I see?
I see bare branches of trees.
It's spring and it's sunny.
I can see other trees
bright green with new leaves
clouds and bright blue sky
over the roof of
our neighbour's house –
and a stripey cat
sitting on our fence.
I could make each line longer, like this:
I'm looking up at a stripey cat sitting on our fence,
she's staring at something, her tail is twitching –
Can she see what I see?
I see bare branches of trees. it's spring and it's sunny.
I can see other trees bright green with new leaves
clouds and bright blue sky over the roof of
our neighbour's house –
and a stripey cat sitting on our fence.
I think the word ‘sitting’ in the first line might be better if I change it to balancing. Also I might put something about what the cat is looking at. A bird? Something glittery, glinting in the sun?
I’ve used the word ‘bright’ twice and it’s a word that does’t tell you very much about the colour I could see in the photo of the cat (see 24th March Use a Photo to Write a List Poem) so I might change that.
Remember you don’t have to have full sentences in a poem – I might take some words out.
Lots to think about! Enjoy your weekend!